Hello. My name is Julie and I'm a worry-wart.
It's true. I play an exceptional game of "what if" in my head constantly and I bet I could beat the pants off you if you ever wanted to play, too. In some cases this is a good skill to have, to think of all the possible challenges of what could go wrong and how to problem solve. That's a skill for people who need to be quick thinking like teachers, performers, stage managers, event planners and more. You notice I tend towards the entertainment route, it's what I know, folks.
Or, you know, to think of all the things that could go right. Hello, Julie? The flip side of that negative thinking is positivity. Sometimes I forget to go down that positive road, I'm so concerned about the crash and burn part because that part hurts the most. What's funny about that is nine times out of ten, people comment on my positive nature, energy, spirit, whatever. I am a see-the-glass-half-full kind of gal, that's very true, so to admit I'm a worry-wart seems absurd.
All worry stems from fear, I think. These days there are certain catch phrases and ideas that promote leading a fear free life, embracing the unknown and jumping off the cliff and trusting fate.
*Insert beautiful video of free spirit youngins running through a field of gosh-knows-what with happy gleeful smiles and waving arms as they fly through the unknown.*
No ma'am sir. I am not that person. Trust me. I've tried and I've found that I like a plan. I like to know my options. I love security. It's awesome--what more could make you feel better than to have a safe cocoon around you so that when you jump off that cliff with your parachute, you know that your landing is on a cushioned position of securely built certainty?
Nothing my friend. That's all I need, certainty.
And yet, here I sit with nerves all balled up in my stomach, my heart fluttering and I'm desperately trying to push out all the negative thoughts from my head. I'm nervous. I'm a little scared--I even got teary the other night. The ridiculousness is that it really started over a stinkin' Facebook page for this blog.
It's ridiculous because it's something simple, a basic way to funnel information to a group of folks who want to stay connected and up to date with the blog. Nothing more. This new Facebook page is supposed to help keep my personal page separate so it can be that, personal (Which is also private for a number of reasons, not completely helpful for this blog.). But I'm supremely nervous about it anyway.
Sending out invites to friends was an anxious process. For a long time I've linked my blog on posts but it felt like a safe way to share. Blogs have been my own corner of the world to share bits of my life, things I love, stories, mess-up's, whatever I wanted. Making it a more public site, something anyone can see, feels very revealing in a way I hadn't anticipated.
Side note: Yes, I do realize my blog is a public place and that I've made it so. I never said this thinking was a rational pairing with this project.
Let me paint you a picture here: I love New York City. I think it's a vibrant place to visit, but I hate riding the subway. I feel 100% more comfortable driving around anywhere new in a car I control. Why? Because in a car I'm (1) in control of the adventure and (2) safely confined in a bubble, able to allow people in if I want or not. Subways aren't like that at all. Everyone gets on and it's crowded sometimes and empty others. People are pushing and rushing past you and it's easy to get knocked all over and around the place. Plus, you're not in control of anything there. You can't even guarantee there's a seat for you or that the schedule will run on time.
That's what it feels like right now, like I'm opening myself up to a ride where I'm feeling a little more exposed than in my safe little car. There are pros and cons to every little thought about it, too. Trust me, I've run through them all!
Parts of me is excited to see how building this little page will go! Parts of me are supremely nervous at the thought of expanding--what if it doesn't go well? What if it never builds? What if people really don't like it? What if it's not exciting enough? What if they think it's silly? What if...what if...what if...
And on and on those thoughts can creep in. Well, more like bust through the door and invite themselves in. Shutting off that running faucet of crazy-scary "what if" questions is a struggle.
What if people do like it? What if my life does seem adventurous to someone else? What if I reach out and relate to a few people who enjoy my posts? What if it leads to a new idea to build something wonderful?! What if! What if! WHAT IF!
Those are the questions that force me to keep going because what if it all turns out fine?
Taking steps out of your comfort zone can feel uncomfortable. Majorly uncomfortable. Sometimes it feels like running back into the safe house would be easier and feel better than exploring what's outside. When you do that for so long though, it only grows those nerves, it doesn't help diffuse it at all. I'm really tired of being inside that safe house though. I think if this was just a passing phase it would have ended back when it started and I wouldn't still be trying eight years later.
Now I'm determined to make it what I've always wanted happen and that's required stepping out of my safe hut and letting friends know, "Hey. I really want to do this and I'd like your support."
That's all. There's nothing really scary about asking for encouragement in something that's important to you.
Sometimes opening up that possibility feels daunting and opening up about those honest feelings can be, too. How easy it can be to scoff off real feelings as being "silly" or "ridiculous" but how real those feelings are!
Maybe you've been struggling with stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something new like beginning a new career path, traveling by yourself or even starting a side business. Try giving up those worry-wart tendencies and just reach out for that help, and most importantly, ask yourself "what if it all turns out fine?" Because it just might and oh, what a wonderful possibility that is!
Happy Sunday, ya'll!
If you liked the page, thank you, thank you, thank you! It's a boost of confidence and it's very much appreciated over here! If you haven't yet, there's a button at the bottom of the page and you can click it to send you through to the Facebook link.