We've all been there, in a weird funk that seems like this drab cloud around just about everything we do, waking up every day just feeling like something isn't quite in the right place. It's not a dramatic day, it's just a kink that's stuck somewhere in the happiness area of your being. I often think if I just stretch myself out or flip over and do a head stand (a goal I have yet to accomplish), the world might feel right again, less fuzzy.
Nothing is wrong, per say, and I'm definitely not trying to be vague for a addition of dramatic flair, it's just a matter of feeling wonky. Something is off, not quite right and I finally figured out how to describe the way it makes me feel. It's a cloud that's settled on my mind and made me feel like I'm in the waiting room of life. Wait to have the money for whatever. Wait for the right time to do this or that. Wait to figure it out before this. Wait. Wait. Wait. Now I know how my labrador feels when I tell her sit and wait!
I'm not sure what I'm waiting for but I feel like while I wait to figure whatever out, there's a lot of other stuff happening without me and time passing a little more quickly that I realized. Frankly it's a little crazy to know summer is seven and a half weeks in and I'm not sure exactly what I've been doing...See? Scary.
This past May I heard a student declare this theme for her life after college: I will what I want. At the time I thought that's a pretty confident statement, maybe a little cocky, but who am I judge?. I'm sure I felt like I could make anything happen after school if I wanted it badly enough! You know what, I hope she does will what she wants--she could make a lot of things happen.
I'd kind of forgotten about her declaration, part of my brain thinking that a lot of things happen that chip away at that confidence level at some point. Cynical perhaps, but like I said I've had this funky waiting cloud overhead. Yesterday out of the blue I heard that statement boldly pop up from the back of my mind and nearly bowled me over. I will what I want.
What if this student of mine was really on to something? Willing what you want doesn't always make things happen, you have to work, put in the time and effort, too. My interpretation of overconfidence to just will something to happen might have been totally misjudged. What if she really meant I will what I want because I'll be working towards what I want.
In other words, just make it happen. Will it to happen by making it happen, going, doing, and trying. Do what you need to do to make it happen. Stop waiting for the time to do these things or the moment to strike. It's not "wait for what you want" for Pete's sake.
If I want to travel, plan it out and make it happen. Just do it.
I want to feel strong, go for a run. Just do it.
I want to decorate that blank living room wall. Just do it.
Don't overanalyze, don't stress yourself out about it. Don't make things more complicated by marinating on it and overthinking. I'm all for a good plan but this is ridiculous. I feel like I've had so many things on hold waiting for the right time and place and I'm really tired of it. I want to feel like I'm actually living my life here. Hello! Time is not standing still waiting for me to decide.
I will what I want.
No more waiting, time for the doing. I suppose I'm having a half-year mark of reminding myself that "action cures fear," my new year's resolution from January. Time to leave my waiting room cloud behind and get going on some things.
So if you're just sitting here reading this post and needing a swift kick in the backside to get you moving, here it is! Get up and go do. Will what you want.